In modern society young males are programmed through the tv, movies, social media, to live out their life being the perpetual child. Drinking, sleeping around, doing drugs, gambling, smoking/vaping and treating women like pure garbage is the norm acting all of this out.. Completely outside of their conscious awareness..… From talking to hundreds of women at once, playing childish games and not being upfront and honest with what they desire… Constantly going from woman to woman hurting them and hitting repeat. Our young males of today need to understand that this is not them, this is a program and it's not who they are.. All programs can be changed in a matter of minutes..
See for yourself in this video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdsPoe5m_8Q
These boys are constantly running away from themselves and running away from ever going within to begin to heal their past wounds.. Boys I get it, I really do… I was one of these boys for a very long time… I watched all of the movies and the Tv shows where this program is prevalent .. American Pie with Stifler, Two And a Half Men with Charlie, Friends with Joey, Jay in the Inbetweeners etc. There are hundreds more.. On and on this programming sinks into the subconscious that this is the way to ‘make it’ and to be a ‘King’, this is the way to treat women and that they ‘like it.’ Boys, women do not like being treated this way. Why? Because through my experience, I treated women this way. In fact I was worse than that…I know how deeply I hurt some women… I put myself in the shoes of those women and I felt everything and I mean everything. All of the hurt, anger, sadness, frustration, embarrassment, resentment etc.. On the flip side I felt my shame, my guilt, my resentment and my anger for being this way.. Boys, this lifestyle was crushing me deep inside… Read on from here as I am about to really dive deep into my F*ck boy phase from 20-27 and how I was able to hold space for myself in the last few months and let it all go.
I have a plethora of stories with this version of myself. One day I will sit down and record a podcast and I will delve deep into these… For a long time I was known as a player, F*ck boy, womaniser, the guy who only wants 'one thing'.... I was the guy who once he got what he wanted and we made it to the ‘exclusive’ stage of dating was when I would completely sabotage it by kissing a best friend, ghosting the woman or just treating her like garbage so she would end it simply just by being a rude, arrogant, prick… Yes, I was a prick for a long time, I thought it was cool. I thought I was being a King… When in reality it was quite the opposite… I didn’t know why I was doing this for a very long time. However, once I stopped drinking in 2020 but quit forever in 2021, I began to start exercising and then through the help of some beautiful amazing mentors, friends, and my brother. I was then able to understand why I was living this lifestyle. I learnt why my heart was closed from love for myself and others due to deep emotional scarring from childhood and my first relationship. I learnt why I was sabotaging myself and good things in my life… I learnt it all.… As I was piecing all of this information together I judged myself, I beat up on myself more and more, I turned to porn as it was my last vice to escape. I cried. I ran. But as soon as I started sitting with myself and meditating, journaling, going to the gym and taking better care of myself the deeper I went.. The deeper I still go… The layers of the onion continue to be stripped back on this beautiful journey… I set the intention to completely transform my habits, my ways, my lifestyle and set about becoming the best version of myself. I just needed to shed this darkness that existed within me.. Do not underestimate the power of crying..
This version of me has been forgiven, heard, seen, valued, acknowledged, respected, held (by me) and loved. Lots of tears were shed when I finally went back to this version of myself.. But I didn’t go deep enough… He popped up to say g’day when I moved up to Sunshine Coast QLD Australia. Over the past couple of weeks since the move I found myself re-downloading Tinder. Yes you read correctly, Tinder. The universe/spirit whatever you believe didn’t allow me to converse with any women there which is interesting in itself.. Haha… Yes, the things I preach about I found myself doing. I beat up on myself and I dabbled back into porn as well. I was in a dark place for 5-6 days… Why? Because I was running away from ever dealing with this version of myself. I knew he was there, but I was running. I was back on the 100m track sprinting away. I have done this many times over… This time it was different… My brother and my friend knew what was going on with me and they were able to help me see it… This is why friends are so important, but not just friends, friends who are family. Friends who are not afraid to tell you what you need to hear and deliver it to you with love… I needed to hear this straight down the middle… This then set me off to go within and finally deal with this guy once and for all. But to see him, hear him, forgive him, love him and show him a new way. A beautiful way where he will never treat women this way again… We set up a powerful meditation healing circle in the spare room of my new house with my brother and a friend and I just completely surrendered.. Tears flew and I was in a huge puddle. I was seeing all the women I hurt, flashback after flashback and I just sat there crying with this version of me. I felt his pain, I felt his sadness and I felt how closed off his heart was.. Equally I felt the hurt and the sadness of the women as well. My heart was broken into many pieces but one by one I stood before him, I walked up to him, held him and helped put those pieces back together. The broken and closed heart was being repaired in an instant. Upon finishing, I feel light, I feel like I can love again as I integrated this over the last few days.. I can now embrace my full authentic self, minus the judgment and not allow the past to define me. I can open up about my wounds and not feel guilt and shame. I can acknowledge that these versions are a part of me and that they are helping write me the most epic comeback story. The shift that has occurred has been out of this world… As I move forward, I will do it right this time. I will never treat women this way again, I can allow women into my life as friends without the desire to sleep with them. I can open myself up to them and be myself around them… Something I was never able to do.. We can all do this, we have the power.
There is hope for our males, it's time they take back control of their lives and go deep within to begin their journey of understanding and healing. Ask for help boys, sit with yourself and cry. It’s beautiful, magical, wonderful and courageous. We all deserve to be better to make this world better. It starts with us as males. Let's take responsibility and step into our power to lead again, to create again and have people jump on for the ride. Right now it’s a ship heading towards an iceberg Titanic style. Let's make a conscious effort to turn this ship around and start leveling up, adulting up, and powering up. Progression not perfection. Reach out anytime, anyone and everyone. I am always here for you. Lets begin your journey with a free zoom call..
Take a look through my previous blogs for some solutions and signs to recognise…
Thank you for reading wherever in the world you are.
Nathan Francis: Youth - Self Sabotage Mentor/Coach.
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