The 25th of September marked the 2-year anniversary since giving up alcohol forever. The day remains vivid as it marked the start of a new journey where old habits were discarded and a path towards self-discovery and transformation began. Time has flown since, and the progress made is now celebrated... Never looking back.
Alcohol wasn't an escape for me in my early days of drinking. I drank to fit in and blend in like most of society. However, I was still binge drinking... But as things in my life began to get worse at home and in my personal life, alcohol became another form of escape for me. I drank to run away. Run away from my house, myself, my darkness and my pain deep within. Overtime I began to have this deep resentment, rage and hate towards the person I became when I drank... This was amplified the more intoxicated I became... I had quite a lot of regret for things I would do e.g sleep with a woman and then ghost her, be a dick to a woman or someone… As soon as I would touch a drop I would completely change into this rude, arrogant, sexualised and loud person. I was always looking for a woman to sleep with, I was super horny and acted like a complete dick.. I didn’t know how to stop being this way or why I was doing these things until I sat with myself and realised that I had some really deep dark stuff going on internally that was projecting itself out into the world… I have spoken about these in my podcast and other blogs..
Anyway, I remember the 25th of September 2021 like it was yesterday. It was the AFL Grand Final and I hadn’t drank for 3 months leading up to it. I had intentions of not drinking that night but I needed one last hoorah, one last night to finally let this all go once and for all. I received a message from a cousin of mine to come around to his house and watch the game.. I jumped at the opportunity as I always did back then to have a drink and escape.. I was that guy who would message all of his mates and ask what they were doing on a Saturday night. I was always searching for someone to drink with.. This also worked the other way, if someone was ever searching for someone to drink with and would ask me I would say yes every time.. Back to that night.... So, I was getting ready to go and I was looking at myself right in the eye directly into the mirror and I said “this is your last night, your last night to drink, party, attempt to find someone to sleep with, carry on like a prick and tomorrow is the day you clean up. Forever. This is it, no more..” Off I went for one last night.. I was the oldest at this gathering by a minimum of 3 years.. The way I was conducting myself was that of a 17 year old… I got super drunk and I also dabbled in drugs for the last time.. You could say I gave it one almighty crack haha… Furthermore, I was hitting on every woman and making an absolute tool of myself… My moment came when I was sitting on a plastic fold out table in the very early hours of that Sunday morning talking to a woman and the table gave way to me… I hit the deck hard.. It was time for me to go to bed… I look back and I laugh at how embarrassing that was… When I woke up, I had the worst hangover ever and I knew at that moment that this was the last time I was ever going to feel this way again. That Sunday morning was very significant for me as it started my journey towards where I am now. I listened to a podcast my now mentor Jason Christoff had done talking about Self - Sabotage and I ticked every box. I was the King of Self - Sabotage.
That podcast changed my life...
It was time for me finally to walk the path of self - discovery, self healing and start to analyse the things I was doing and the decisions I was making... Also it was time for me to grow up and stop being a perpetual child heading down the gutter of misery and unhappiness... The script was to be flipped and it was go time for my best self to rise up...
Quitting alcohol instantly made my life better. It dawned on me that I do not need to poison myself to fit in… I can still hang out at these places if I desire and not drink. I am comfortable with it now… I wasn’t comfortable for a long time… I would avoid these places as I didn't want the questions and/or judgment... It can be quite hard being the only person in a bar or at a gathering not drinking. It takes courage and strength. Be upfront and honest with your friends/family and if they don’t respect that you do not drink anymore then that's on them. I see the opportunity now as inspiring change and showing people that there is so much more to life than wasting away drinking all the time and I am always happy to share with any Tom, Dick or Harry who is willing to listen why I choose not to drink anymore...
The special part of this whole journey was this little voice in the back of my head telling me for a long time to clean up and stop acting this way… That voice got louder over the years trust me. Every Sunday morning after a night of drinking and messing around.. I would hear it.. This beautiful voice was my Grandfathers. My shining light on this beautiful journey. The connection I have with his spirit is far greater than the physical connection we had (which was awesome too). It is the most beautiful thing and he is always with me. As soon as I first listened to that voice and went within when I was able to unpack my patterns, my darkness and my issues.. This then enabled me to have the aha moment of wow this is why I have always sabotaged good things and relationships with women in my life and why I was running.
I acknowledge, value, hear, see, respect and love that drunk version of myself now… I no longer carry around the resent, guilt and shame. I also no longer judge this part of me anymore.. Because he has helped me write this blog, speak up to start a podcast, start a business, show up and write my comeback story. He is part of me and I am damn proud of him.. Why? Because he showed me where things were wrong. He showed me the how and the why I was running… He then allowed me to stop running. During some very powerful healing sessions and meditations I sat with this beautiful young version of me and I cried with him telling him that you do not need to run anymore and that your comeback story is going to help inspire so many people overcome their struggles. This version of me was validated in an instant… It was super powerful.
The first two years of forever. I will never go back and touch another drop of alcohol again. It served its purpose during some very hard times in my life. But I have since come to realise that facing my issues, my darkness, my traumas and my shadow head on was far better and healing than running from them through the bottle.. You have the power to do this yourself as well.. Life doesn't need to be a battle. Life is beautiful, magical and wonderful.. Reach out to me, I can help you through this process... This may be uncomfortable at first but it's a beautiful thing showing yourself the love you never had for yourself... There is a version of you out there in the future who has already quit alcohol or whatever chemical, screen or substance and is already living the dream life. I look forward to guiding you toward that version of you and help manifest it into reality. How does that sound?
Remember progression not perfection. I believe in you. Reach out anytime, I am always here for you.
Thank you for reading wherever in the world you are.
Nathan Francis: Youth - Self Sabotage Mentor/Coach.
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