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Overcoming People Pleasing: Being Authentic to ONESELF.

Updated: Feb 9

In a social setting have you ever wanted to express your true feelings, beliefs, thoughts to your family, friends, work colleagues etc but you didn’t because you were worried or scared of their reaction? So you just sat there and agreed, or said nothing? Have you ever wondered why you do that or where that may stem from? Through fear. Fear of what other people think or say about you. A lot of people out there in modern society are scared about what other people may think about them. From the clothes you're wearing, to the music you listen to, people have an opinion and that scares the shit out of most people. People do not want any negativity thrown their way and people will work hard to ensure nothing negative is said about them, ever. You see these people, you hear these people. They hide behind a fake mask, trying to please everyone they come into contact with. Keeping their ‘reputation’ intact. They do not express themselves as an authentic oneself, quite often their opinions or beliefs are suppressed so they fit with the group. They cannot make a decision, they allow someone else to do it for them. The thought of pleasing themselves and making up their own mind is also quite daunting, they simply do not know how.

I used to be this person myself. I cared deeply about what other people thought of me, I quite often hid my opinions/beliefs around people for the simple fear of standing out and being different. I did not want that pressure, so quite often I would find myself saying nothing and just agreeing with the group. Eventually this will wear you down, your body will scream at you to start being authentic. It is where some of your pain will come from as your pain always has a message for you. You are not in pain by chance or by bad luck, it is your body telling you to fix something.

As soon as 2020 started and I knew something was significantly off with this whole “pandemic” garbage, I decided to start expressing myself and my views. I rubbed people the wrong way, I stood out and yep I was different. I was the one who wouldn’t follow any of the absurd restrictions and people were embarrassed to be around me, even my friends at the time. I was told my energy and vibe was toxic to be around from someone I considered a close friend. It was clear my views and beliefs were not the same as theirs and it was becoming a problem. All I needed to do was keep being me and expressing myself and if my friends did not like that or accept that then I was not going back in my shell to please them. The days of pleasing everyone else other than myself were over and it was time to allow new people into my life, who I can express myself with fully and they can do the same. I found I had very little in common with my close friends once I stopped drinking, watching sport, chasing girls and gambling. One of the toughest processes I went through over the last twelve months. They will not understand why or how, but hopefully one day they will realise that I stopped doing the things they would enjoy. I found enjoyment in other things and at the end of the day we just grew apart. You will find this may happen to you and that is okay. Sometimes this process needs to occur to allow the new people into your life that do understand who you truly are and see things the way you do. The ones who will accept all of you and vice versa.

There are solutions out there, but you need to go deep within yourself and understand why you do the things you do. Why do you hang around with the people you hang around with? Why you make these decisions and why you hide being the real you. Quite often you will find you are scared of what people may think or say. In reality, the only person whose opinion should matter is your own. Are you happy with the way you dress? Are you happy expressing who you truly are? Are you happy expressing your views? Then that’s all that matters, if the people you associate with have a problem with that, then are they your true friends? Do they value your opinions? Your choices? Do they value you for you? Then if not, maybe you need to reassess the people in your life. Once you do this trust me people who will value you for you will come into your life. Do not settle for mediocrity, do not settle for being something or someone you are not. You are worthy, know it, understand it, feel and live it. Be free. Let go of it all. Fly. You will truly understand yourself this way.

Click Here to come work with me beginning on March 17th for 9 Weeks in the Breaking Free Teen Group Coaching Program. A self - help program designed for the teens of today. We tackle all self sabotaging habits and I will show the teens just how powerful they really are.. There will be tons of engaging activities and some very entertaining videos where I will show them how powerful the subconscious part of the mind really is. Reach out to me anytime, I am always here for you. Please Email me and I will send you the free overview of the 9 week program personally. See you all on opening day!! 

Thank you for reading wherever in the world you are! 

Nathan Francis: Youth Self Sabotage Coach/Mentor.


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